I’ve always admired people that can tell a story well. My dad is that person. He tells fishing stories. He tells submarine stories while on active duty in the Navy. He tells Mafia stories growing up in Queens [I’m not sure if those are fact-based, but they would fit into a Martin Scorcese film].
His word choice, timing and delivery combine to keep everyone hanging on his every word. It makes for really entertaining holidays.
In a similar way, there is probably nothing more endearing than asking a person to tell “their story”. I chose the picture above to illustrate how some people may feel when they hear your story. Yep – not that captivating. But that can change by changing the perspective of your story. It’s also called Reframing.
I mentioned last week that you can reframe your story and the message it sends. Reframing your story is a powerful way for seeing yourself or a situation from a different perspective.
Here are a few themes to consider about telling your story:
- Growth or Grief
- Decisions or Circumstance
- Victor or Victim
Growth or Grief
Life is tough – but the tough spots are where we grow the most. My biggest failures have turned into my greatest learning experiences which have led to significant contributions: a failed marriage, a failed leadership role, a failed organized religious experience – all have created the best parts of me. If we don’t tell it this way, life sounds like a big failed experience. Don’t carry unnecessary grief forward. Couch your story in the growth context.
Decisions or Circumstance
Like me, you’ve made a handful of critical decisions. Who you dated or married, went to school, got employed, traveled, etc. Have you ever heard someone tell their story as if life was making all the decisions for them? “The reason this happened or didn’t happen was the result of someone else’s doing…” Circumstances are normally a result of decisions. Own them. All of them. Choices are powerful – in both directions. Does your story include key decisions and how they shaped you for both good and unfortunate? Couch your story in decisions made, not circumstances received.
Victor or Victim
If you paid attention to great film making, you’ve noticed that a story must have a tension or conflict that the lead character must overcome. Why is this theme powerful and universally important? Because it’s all of our stories – and it needs to be your story. Whether you’re 20, 40, 60 or 80 – you’ve had to overcome something significant. One of life’s tragedies is a failure to recognize this. Victors rise above bad decisions, villains, and Pandemics to live a life that has scars and trophies. You can express the heart-ache, but highlight the lesson learned. That’s what sets you free from being a victim.
You can reframe your story and the message it sends. Try this. Reframe your story using these elements – and tell it with confidence.
Reframe your story – put some new pieces in it. Don’t die with the music in you.
As Maya Angelou reminds us, “There’s no greater agony than bearing an untold story.”